When marriage finally came along I was to receive one v for sure and maybe another from mom. Daughter, who came along later, added one more. Since my mom died 15 years ago and wife died of cancer nine years ago, I am back to one valentine a day. And that's how many I send too.
Saturday, Feb 10th I was staying at a nice nudist resort that has a rep for being anti singlehood. Well, that is not exactly the truth, the club itself is open about allowing single men, who often are turned away from nudist resorts, to come and enjoy the pools, hot tubs, lake, tennis courts, gym, massage, and restaurants. Nevertheless the members seem almost hostile in that they will rarely say hello to a single man and stay to themselves with people they know.
Well, this Saturday there was a big surprise. A singles group meeting would take place to discuss things to do, a dinner and dancing to the club's billed band. While that was tempting enough for me to think about going, in the end I stayed in my apartment. Now that sounds really stupid to me and you. A single man turns down a chance to go to meet with a singles group in a nudist resort? What the _____?
What must have happened, since this was also billed as a valentines day event, those old memories were washed up into the present setting and my mind simply refused to cooperate. No! Do not participate or you will be sorry! I thought to myself, yes it would be good to go, but the women would either be too young to be interested in me, or be old and very fat. I really did not care to play bar trivia and get a half hour dinner (I would probably be asked to stay for the dance and did not want to do that either.
Was this simply my old high school fears that have hurt my chances of meeting women for the last few years? Yes, I feel it was exactly that and it all began earlier with those two or three grade school valentines and the twenty or so that never were dropped in my pitiful valentine box. Now, I understand, children in some schools are told to make the valentines by hand and give one to every other child in the class. That sounds good, but do the select find ways to send some special care or use other means to notify other select that they have been chosen?
I do feel bad and depressed with this behavior. I could not believe, at first, that I would revert to being a girl-fearing, shy, idiot, SINGLE man again, who would only meet the one or two "losers" who would feel sufficiently deparate enough to send me a card. In fact I cannot meet them either because they turned out to be the best girl friends and wives of all the class. Oh, what a life!
Question. Do you think that early childhood memories of the sort that I write about, can be so traumatic as to wreck one's socialability forever? If so, how do you suggest that these old, worn-out, unnecessary fears be challenged and put aside?
